Have you ever wondered just how important communication is in a relationship? Proper communication can be the difference between making it or breaking it when it comes to relationships. Here are the 10 biggest communication mistakes we all make.
Why Communication Matters
Some of the our best experiences comes from our relationships with others. Years from now, when we look back at our lives, some of the more superficial things that seem important to us now – like what new electronics or outfit we just bought – won’t matter. What will matter are the relationships we built and the time we spent with the people we care about.
In my opinion, this is one of the most meaningful and important areas of our lives – building and maintaining relationships. This is what makes life worth living and gives us the memories that will last a lifetime. But… What helps us maintain relationships? What chips away at relationships? Let’s find out.
How Communication Impacts Relationships
Whether it’s with someone you’re dating, in a relationship with, family, coworkers, or friendships we need to be mindful of how we communicate with those around us to help keep our relationships strong and thriving. Have you ever had a time when you struggled to share your thoughts or feelings? When we engage in some of the common communication blunders we often do, it can lead to misunderstandings, confusion, conflict, and in worst cases even breakups.
So, how do we be mindful of how we communicate so we can do our best to work through the challenges that are inevitable within relationships? First, I would say it’s important to do some self reflection on challenges and themes that come up within your relationships. If we understand the patterns and challenges we experience, it will better guide us on how to improve our communication and therefore better our relationships. If you want to check out some tips to improve communication click here.
Have you engaged in any of the common communication errors that we may naturally engage in? Let’s take a look and see.
Communication Mistakes We All Make
Mindreading
Have you ever assumed to know what the other person is thinking or feeling? This is a really common mistake people make. The problem here is what if you’re wrong? Without asking and having open dialogue we don’t truly know how someone feels or thinks. Why someone does certain things can be the result of many different factors. Being curious, asking questions, and trying to understand can go a long way!
Catastrophizing
Making things way worse in our minds than they are in reality… Does this sound familiar? Our minds are interesting places where we can take a situation and scrutinize, overthink, and worsen what’s happening. Often times we then accept this version of what’s going on as reality without any evidence to support it. This really could just be our mind playing tricks on us.
Personalizing
When we personalize things, we are taking what someone does or says as a personal attack against ourselves. The challenge with this is something may have absolutely nothing to do with us and everything to do with the other person and what is going on in their lives. When we personalize, our emotions and thoughts can alter our actions to become protective of ourselves or to be reactive. Rather than reacting, this would be a great time to be curious and explore what’s going on with the other person. This additional information can help us have a clearer perspective of the situation.
Jumping To Conclusions
Along with personalizing, we also may jump to conclusions about what is going on. The problem here is when we jump to conclusions we usually assume the worst.. But, we might be wrong. Can you think of a time you jumped to a conclusion and it turned out to be wrong? What was the end result? How did you feel? It usually isn’t a good feeling and can turn into an emotional rollercoaster.
Listening To Respond Not To Hear
How many times have you been so set on your position in a conversation or argument that you are listening to respond. Waiting to say the next comeback you have because you know this one’s sooo good? This can be a huge missed opportunity to truly understand the other person. If we listen to understand and come from a place of curiosity this may also shift our perspective and lead to growth within ourselves and the relationship, increased closeness, and understanding.
Letting Your Emotions Run The Show
This is a really important communication blunder to be aware of. I am a big believer in being intentional with our words and actions. When we feel strong emotions we may not say or do things we really mean and can create a bigger problem than what was originally going on. Check in with yourself before reacting and if you are feeling strong emotions and aren’t feeling grounded, this is a great opportunity to practice self care – meditation, go for a walk, talk to a friend, etc. Once you’ve had time to cool off and can be intentional with your words and actions revisit the conversation.
Cultural Differences
Culture can play a role in influencing our communication styles. Some cultures are more vocal while others are more subdued. Learning about communication styles within cultures and understanding someone’s background can help clear up some misunderstandings and help us to understand each other better. If you want more tips on cultural differences check out this article.
Not Being Direct
When we struggle to share what we really mean, think, want, and need it can create big misunderstandings. Indirect communication can be a result of a lot of things – worrying about what the other person will think or feel, low confidence, unclear of one’s own needs, family dynamics we grew up with, cultural reasons, and more. However, when we aren’t being direct it can affect our relationships. The other person can’t read our minds so working on increasing direct communication can be incredibly helpful.
Avoidance
Sweeping things under the rug can have big consequences later. Over time, the more things that pile up eventually can’t fit under the rug and will come spilling out. Talking about things can be healing and lead to growth in relationships whereas running away from communication will only lead to more problems and can exacerbate the original issue. No matter how great a relationship is, something is always bound to come up. Addressing things head on can avoid bigger problems down the road.
Needing To Be Right
Difficulty accepting responsibility for our actions or apologizing can be a real challenge. When our egos get in the way and we always want to be right this can put a big block between you and another person. As humans, we’re bound to make mistakes and offering a sincere apology along with changed behavior can go a long way. In every situation there is your perspective, the other person’s perspective, and what really happened. Taking accountability for our part in something helps us heal and resolve issues.
Tell me, have you ever engaged in any of these cardinal communication blunders? If you have, it’s common! So no need to worry… There are tips and tools to help improve your communication. As always, I’m here to help! Let me know what communication challenges you’ve experienced.