Are you wondering how to find love?
Tell me if you can relate to the chorus throughout people looking for love – WHY can’t I find the right person? WHEN will I ever find someone? HOW will I meet my person? THIS is so frustrating!
This is the narrative plagues so many of us say on a daily basis. I know I’ve been there..
Here Are The Tips You Need To Learn How To Find Love
When we want to create a change in our lives – no matter what that change might be – there are layers going to be layers to what we need to work on to get there. In this case, with dating, we might focus solely on how to find my person and why isn’t it happening faster. We can then feel stuck and frustrated when we aren’t seeing progress as quickly as we would like.
If the main focus is only on finding the person, then you might be missing out on other important pieces of creating the life you love WHILE finding the love you deserve.
There are the layers you need to keep in mind and not just think if you solely focus on one area you will attract the healthy loving relationship you truly desire.
When we are looking to find the right person, it’s more than just how to find the person.
The 3 layers you need to create the live & love you deserve
- The inner work
- A roadmap
- Strategies
Inner Work
Inner work is the soul work we do to grow and evolve into our best selves. Through different experiences, we can create narratives or core beliefs about ourselves, the world, dating, relationships, and what expectations we have for ourselves and others. The only problem is, these might be faulty and may hold us back from aligning with what we truly desire and deserve.
Things that influence our beliefs can be stuff from childhood, past relationships, or our attachment style. Pretty much, the story we create about our lives and other people is influenced by what we’ve witnessed from others and what we’ve personally experienced. For yourself, what is the story you tell yourself about yourself, dating, and relationships? Do you have faulty beliefs that people are not trustworthy? Do you find yourself getting anxious once you start liking someone or pulling away because you deeply value independence and worry about someone getting too close? At a deep level, do you feel deserving of healthy love or do you believe that doesn’t exist or is hard to find?
Working on yourself is a great starting off point with dating. When we grow into our best selves, we attract a new type of person… one who is going to align with the life and love we truly desire for ourselves.
The Roadmap
Think of the roadmap as the steps you need to take to get there.
A good place to start when creating a roadmap is to think about where you are and where you want to be.Are you dating at all? Or do you feel like you’re stuck on an island with no one around? Depending on where you are will influence what steps to take to get to you the end point.
One way to find your end point is to journal on the prompt – If there was a miracle tonight and you woke up tomorrow and everything was exactly as you would want it to be, what would this look like?
I like to get REALLY specific with this prompt. What values show up, what actions, what lifestyle, what little things go on throughout the day. These are the things that will help you get really clear on what you want so strategies can be implemented to help you get there.
Next, you’ll work on strategies to help you get from the start of the map to the endpoint.
Dating Strategies
After the inner work and roadmap is created, next are the strategies to help you get the love you want.
The strategies that will help you the most may differ from someone else but let’s explore a few. Here are some of the strategies that might help someone find their love:
- Learning how to finding authentic connection in a disconnected world
- How to date online
- Learning to identify green flags in dating
- Communication matters
- Learning to identify red flags in dating
- Working on identifying and setting healthy boundaries
- Learning about your attachment style and the attachment styles others might have
- Learning how to heal after a heartbreak and move on
- Knowing your triggers and not reacting or pushing potential partners away
- Learning how to align with your worth and learning how to not settle for less
Strategies help us overcome challenges we experience in dating and help us feel more confident and secure with ourselves through the process. For instance, if you work on establishing healthy boundaries, it helps you date with confidence. Boundaries in dating may sound like, “I prefer to talk on the phone before meeting. Are you free to a call later today?”, “I enjoy spending time together but I cannot stay out late during the week.”, or, “Communication is really important to me so it’s important that we talk about how we’re feeling.” It’s also important to make sure you are communicating clearly and not making the common communication mistakes we all might make.
Enjoy the Journey
When we aren’t finding our person quickly, we can lead to dating burnout. If this happens, I would suggest looking at the other parts of the dating process and see what can you refocus your energy on so you feel more in control?
We don’t have control over the timing of when we meet our person – I truly believe it happens in divine timing. So if you are feeling burnt out you can refocus on yourself and your soul work. When you’re on your personal journey of how to find love, there is so much fun and personal growth to enjoy along the way.
Looking at dating from another angle can help you refocus on yourself and your happiness. Is there a new hobby you want to try? A weekend getaway you’ve been wanting to take?
Ask yourself what will feed your soul and if you find yourself saying “If I had someone I would be doing (Fill in the blank).” Go ahead and do it on your own or with a friend!
Dating isn’t just about finding your person.. It’s also about finding yourself along the journey.